The Filipino Courtship Customs and Traditions: Then and Now
The Philippines is a beautiful country rich in customs and traditions. Its diverse culture are assimilation of different cultures from its colonizers namely the Spaniards, the Americans and the Japanese. Aside from being hospitable and warmth, the Filipinos are also famous for their unique courtship customs which are perceived as rigid, indirect and romantic in nature. Sadly, some of these courtship customs have slowly been forgotten by the new generation of Filipinos.
FILIPINO COURTSHIP: OLD VS MODERN
Centuries ago, courting a Filipina is not that easy as far as Filipino suitor is concerned. There used to be long-established courtship customs that a Filipino man has to follow and pass if he wants to succeed in a courtship. But over the years, the Filipino courtship has evolved from conservatism to liberalism. The Filipinos have become liberal when it comes to courtship. Liberal in the sense that the new generation Filipinos have adapted new mode of courtship and have totally disregarded the old courtship customs and traditions.
OLD COURTSHIP CUSTOMS:
1. Tulay (bridge) - Bridge usually are mutual friends of a woman and her suitor. In Filipino custom, bridge play a crucial role to the success of a courtship. The bridge serve as “messengers” to both the woman and her suitor. Decades ago, in the absence of mobile communication devices, the bridge are the ones who relay the message of the suitor to the woman he is courting. The use of bridge (tulay) or messengers has been proven to be effective. Today, Filipinos still practice the use of bridge (tulay).
2. TEASING AND PAIRING OFF
In the Filipino courtship, friends play an important role in the initial stage of courtship.
They are the ones to initiate initial steps on behalf of the man and the woman by teasing and pairing them off. Using the teasing and pairing as cue, a man could get hints whether the woman is interested in him or not through gestures and physical manifestation. If a woman shows interest toward her suitor, he may proceed to the formal stage.
3. Thoughtful gifts – Giving of gifts to a woman by a suitor has been a popular courtship practice. This is a courtship custom where a man shower the woman he is wooing with gifts like chocolates, flowers, cards or fruits. Though the gift itself does not associate any emotional attachment, but the woman may still appreciate the act and could add pogi points for the suitor.
4. Harana (SERENADE) Harana is one of the long-embraced Filipino courtship customs where the suitor along with his friends sings in front of girl’s house, usually with musical accompaniment. And as a tradition, the woman with the permission of her parents will let her suitor in. In the presence of the woman’s family, the suitor and the woman can have a talk inside the woman’s house.
John Tewell (flickr)
5. Playing hard to get – it has always been the custom for Filipino women not to show or manifest any liking toward her suitor no matter how much she like him. Doing so may violate the custom and tradition.
6. Paninilbihan (servitude) – Paninilbihan is a Filipino courtship custom which requires a man to do farm and household chores like chopping firewood, fetching water from a well and other chores. A man performs paninilbihan to prove his sincerity and determination to a woman he is courting. Also, the Paninilbihan is performed to impress the woman he is wooing and her parents.
7. Winning parents’ approval – In the Philippine courtship customs, a man does not only woo the woman, but also her family. Winning the parents’ approval is crucial to a successful courtship. Some parents could decide on behalf of the woman. If parents do not approve of the courtship, the woman may be forced to stay away from her suitor.
8. Dating – Dating is a good opportunity for a man and woman to get to know each other well. It also can help strengthen the foundation of a budding romance by spending quality time with each other. Dating can be a good determinant for a couple if they are compatible to each other or if they enjoy each other’s company.
9. Pamamanhikan - (wedding proposal) - is a Filipino courtship custom where the suitor and his family go to the woman’s house to formally ask her parents’ approval for a marriage. If the woman’s family agreed to the proposal, a wedding arrangement will be made.
agedorevil (Flickr)
10. Marriage – This is the time when a couple decides to live together as husband and
Wife.
Polyrus (Flickr)
MODERN COURTSHIP
Today, Filipino courtship is far different than it was centuries ago. The new generation of Filipinos have become more liberal when it comes to courtship. Gone were the days of chaperoned dates, paninilbihan (servitude) and harana (serenade). The modern Filipino
courtship is perceived as sophisticated and liberal because of the absence of traditional courtship customs.
It is believed that the loss of Filipino courtship customs could be attributed to several factors like the Filipinos’ patronage to foreign romantic movies or television programs, the use of social media and mobile communication devices. Besides, the Filipino courtship customs and traditions are seldom shown on Philippine romantic movies and television programs. Today, the use of social media and mobile phones can be great means of finding a romantic partner. With the use of social media and mobile phones it would be now easier for a single man or woman to find a romantic partner and with the accessibility of dating sites, total strangers can be romantic partners in just days or even hours of chatting.